


Stalker Alert

by possiblyobsessed



Series: IronDad and SpiderSon + the Avengers + Ignoring Infinity War [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Fluff, Gen, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, The Avengers are paranoid, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 12:36:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17981474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possiblyobsessed/pseuds/possiblyobsessed
Summary: Peter Parker and his friends start an incorrect Avengers quotes account on Tumblr for fun. Of course, the fun comes from the fact that they are using real things the Avengers have said as their ‘incorrect’ quotes. It’s all fun and games until the other Avengers get suspicious when they find the account.Queue a major freak out.





	1. The Idea

It had actually been MJ’s idea to start the account. But it sparked from something Cassie had said the night Peter babysat her. Which is, of course, something Peter had told Ned and MJ all about when he saw them the following night.

\---

“So Peter, do you babysit?” Scott asked, “I’ll pay you of course.”

Peter nodded, it was always nice to have a bit of extra cash. Of course, he knew he could ask Tony for some money if he ever wanted to buy anything and Tony would give him more than he needed, but Peter had always felt money should be earnt. Besides, there wasn’t really any downside. Sure, he had only met Cassie once, but she had been pretty cool.

And that was how Peter ended up at Scott’s house on a Saturday night, to look after Cassie while Scott and Hope went out. With absolutely no experience in babysitting, a fact he had neglected to tell the two adults. He looked around, Cassie was probably upstairs in her room, so he headed that way. The house was nice, it was messy, but in a well-loved sought of way. It had even more character to it than Scott’s room at the Compound. On his way to Cassie, Peter saw cards scattered over the place, books stacked precariously on top of each other and more potted plants than he had ever seen in one place in his life. There was also what he thought was a dog-sized ant eating a box of chocolates, but Scott hadn’t warned him about that so he decided he hadn’t seen it.

Cassie’s room was at the top of the house, so it took Peter a couple of minutes to get there. The room itself was nice. It was very cosy, with lots of pillows and shelves stacked with books. Her bed was right in the middle of the room, she had a desk and a large chair, as well as some canvases she had painted. Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to be in the room.

Peter was sure he had walked through the whole house. So how had he missed her?

“Cassie?” he called.

No answer.

“Cassie?” he shouted louder.

There was still no response, and there was definitely no movement in her room.  
Peter set off downstairs and listened for any sign of the young girl. He was half way down the stairs when a loud crashing echoed from near the kitchen. He flew down the stairs and sprinted straight into the kitchen. This was not good, this was so not good, no one was ever going to hire him to babysit again. This was bad.

This was Cassie on top of a pile of chairs as she attempted to reach something from the top shelf of the pantry, with a giant ant that watched on. Peter rubbed his eyes. He had really thought he might finally get a normal night. Just a night to babysit where nothing weird happened. He rubbed his eyes again, hoping the ant would disappear. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Which meant his mind hadn’t been playing tricks on him when he saw it earlier. Peter was so caught up by the ant that he almost forgot he should really be getting Cassie down.

“Hi Peter!” Cassie waved.

Peter turned towards her, “Hey Cassie, are you okay?”

“Yup,” she grinned, “I just fell off the chair.”

“How about you just get off the chair and we’ll get whatever you’re trying to reach later?”

It took some coaxing, but eventually Peter got Cassie to hop down. They headed towards the lounge room to watch something on the television. Cassie told Peter all about the story of the oversized ant from the kitchen and how it had helped while Scott was under house arrest. She also told Peter about how one day she was also going to fight crime.

They put the television on, but it really just acted as background noise because the two of them ended up trading stories instead of watching it. Cassie told Peter all about how she and some friends from school had been the only students who successfully completed the treasure hunt they had done for maths and all about how Scott and Hope had saved Mrs Van Dyne and Ava. In turn, Peter told her all about Ned’s talking computer that won the Science Fair and about how Tony and Nat had stopped on the way back from a mission the other week to save a box of puppies, but then made Peter take them to the vet because they had reputations to uphold. Peter mostly just listened though, because Cassie was a really good storyteller. Sure some sounded silly, but they were all fun.

“Have you ever babysat before, Peter?” Cassie asked.

“Nope. I actually have no idea what I’m doing,” Peter told her.

“If I was you, I would have watched a lot of movies with babysitters in them to find out how to do it,” Cassie said, “But, I think you’re doing a really good job.”

Peter smiled, “What do babysitters do in movies?”

“Normally they don’t spend much time with the kid. They just to do work and have their partner over. Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Nope.”

“Oh. A boyfriend?” Cassie pried.

“Nope. You’re stuck with me for the rest of the night.”

“That sucks!” She giggled.

Peter frowned and reached out to grab Cassie, but she jumped up and ran off. Peter got up and followed the sound of her giggles through the house.

“I’m going to catch you,” he called out.

Truth be told, he probably wouldn’t because he had no idea where she had gone. And she knew the house up and down, while this was his first time in it. Plus, he had managed to miss her completely when he first arrived and she wasn’t even hiding then. He listened out for her, but she had stopped laughing. All he really had to go off was that he had seen her headed in the direction he was now walking. Peter didn’t even really know what he was going to do when he found her. Or why she had run off for that matter. He hadn’t even been offended because he knew she was joking, but he supposed they had spent some time just sitting around so this was a good excuse to run around.

He reached the last room of the hallway, which was a spare bedroom and turned in. Since, Cassie hadn’t run back past him at any stage he figured she had to be in this room. There was no way he could walk past her twice in one day. Okay so he totally could, but he was pretty sure he didn’t. She wasn’t anywhere in plain sight so he began to look in the hidden places. She wasn’t under the bed or behind the curtains, but then he wasn’t sure why he had expected her to be. Cassie was obviously the type who would be a master at hiding.

Peter kept looking. She wasn’t in the closet or behind the door. He was ready to admit he was wrong about his suspicions of what room she was in and leave, when he picked up on a quiet laugh.

“So, you are in here!” He announced.

Obviously, he got no reply. He couldn’t see any more hiding spots in the room either, so he had no clue where to begin. What was a good hiding spot in an almost empty room? He walked back over to the curtains and pulled them open to make sure he hadn’t somehow missed her. But, it was when he turned around that he finally found her. She was laying on top of the closet. Peter was momentarily baffled, there was no chair or anything around so he couldn’t figure out how she had gotten up there. There was no time to figure it out, because as soon as Cassie knew she had been spotted she shimmied over to the edge and dropped down.

Peter dashed over to the door and picked her up before she could get out. He began to tickle her as she kicked at his stomach.

“You didn’t really think you could get away with saying I was a bad person to be stuck with, did you?”

Cassie just laughed, “Stop. Stop!”

“Hmm,” Peter put her down, “How’d you get on top of the closet?”

“I’m friends with Spider-Man,” she teased.

Peter smiled.

The pair played board games for the rest of the night. Cassie got to bed a bit later than she was supposed to, but she assured Peter that was what always happened with babysitters.

“Do you know,” Cassie began, as Peter went to leave the room, “That even though Dad is really smart, and a superhero, he says really dumb stuff all the time. Like last weekend, he asked me how many marshmallows I thought he could fit in his mouth. And I said no more than ten. But he said I was wrong because he could turn giant and fit lots of marshmallows in his mouth, or turn small and fit no marshmallows in his mouth. Basically, he thinks he’d be really good at the chubby bunny challenge. But that’s not a thing anymore.”

Peter couldn’t stop himself from laughing, “Goodnight Cassie.”

“Night, Peter.”

It actually got him thinking, because the Avengers all said really dumb stuff. Even the ones who were supposed to be smart.

After Scott and Hope arrived back home they paid Peter and Hope dropped him back at his apartment. The car ride was fairly quiet, but it was comfortable. Also Peter didn’t really know what to say, since Hope was awesome. Totally awesome.

\---

When Peter told his friends about the night, Ned was excited that Peter had found another job, but Michelle seemed more caught up in the idea of the Avengers saying stupid things.

“Why don’t you do something about it?” She asked.

“What do you mean?” Peter said.

“Well, you could make like an incorrect quotes account, or something, but use things they’ve actually said. It’s a win-win because people will actually think you’re funny, but the Avengers will never have to know about it. And if they find it, they won’t know it’s you.”

So yeah, no matter how much trouble Peter could get in for this, he could always say it wasn’t his idea.


	2. The Start

Ned was in charge of setting the account up. Since he was the best with technology he knew all the things that needed to be done for the Tumblr account to reach the widest demographic. MJ did all the design aspects. The boys trusted her to find the best colours and themes to use, since through her art she knew what caught the eye the best. Peter was responsible for figuring out what to post. He was currently racking his brain in an attempt to think of the absolute dumbest thing any of the Avengers said to him. After all, the first post was the most important. They had to start with a bang.

Peter just couldn’t think of one certain thing. Everything was good, but was it good enough? Would a quote from Clint and Sam’s argument about whether Mario or Luigi was better be amusing enough? Or would something Tony said deliriously at three in the morning be better? Perhaps he should use a quote from Nat about everything that was wrong with the government, or something Bruce had said about life being easier on Sakaar, or maybe the time Thor, Steve and Bucky were attempting to learn about social media would be best.

The underlying question, though, was why did he care so much? Why did MJ and Ned care so much? Twenty minutes ago the account had just been a silly idea. Something they would do for fun. Now it was something serious. An idea that could be hugely successful if they played their cards right. Maybe it was just the amusement of it all that made the idea so important to them.

Maybe they just all liked the idea of having a big social media account that attracted all kinds of attention.

Who knows.

Ned moved to sit with Peter while MJ deliberated over a colour scheme. They watched for a while as she furiously scanned google images and changed the account’s headers repeatedly. They got bored quickly.

“So, have you thought of what to use for the first post yet?” Ned asked.

Peter shook his head, “I didn’t realise it, but everything they say would make such good comedy.”

“Dude,” Ned had already started to laugh at whatever he was saying, “Imagine an Avengers sitcom.”

“I am an Avenger,” Peter cracked a grin.

Ned only laughed harder, “You’d have to keep your mask on the whole show to keep your identity secret.”

“Alright losers, as great as that idea sounds, how about you write everything down and we can vote on which ‘incorrect’ quote we want to use first,” MJ cut in.

Peter immediately got to work. It was ridiculously exciting for no reason at all. And reminiscing all the things he had heard the Avengers say was almost as fun as the idea of the account was. He was beginning to find it hard to believe that these people had actually survived as long as they had. Really, Wanda hadn’t even remembered to take money when she went shopping the other day.

There was so much that they had said, which at the time wasn’t important but in hindsight was hilarious, that Peter filled up the page in a matter of minutes. Ned read each one as they were written down, chuckling to himself at the mental image of the god-like heroes saying such ridiculous things.

By the time MJ was satisfied with her work, Peter had already filled two and a half pages with quotes. He had even written them down as if they were already in Tumblr post format. Ned had already picked his favourites, and Peter was happy to post pretty much any of them, so they waited for her to read them all.

MJ scanned what Peter had written down, “They really exude dumbass energy, don’t they?”

Ned and Peter both started giggling and Ned flopped backwards on the bed while he laughed. Michelle grinned. It was so very, very weird to be talking about their childhood, hell most people’s (read: including theirs), idols this way. To be able to point out that, as cool as they were, the Avengers had their moments, frequently, was fun. And maybe that’s why they had decided to take this account so seriously in just a matter of minutes.

MJ pointed out the quotes she liked, which opened a debate between the three about which one should be posted. It wasn’t that they thought any would be bad, they just all had opinions about which one would be best. Even Peter had come to a decision about which quotes were the funniest. Soon they were pointing out the pros and cons that would come of every post as if their lives depended on it. It was almost half an hour, which was longer than the time it took them to decide to make the account, before they had found a quote they all agreed on.

Ned typed it into the laptop while Peter recounted it word for word.

“Posted,” Ned announced.

The three of them huddled around the laptop. Realistically, they knew the account wasn’t just going to blow up after the first post. But that wouldn’t stop them from watching for just a few minutes to see if the post got any likes. Peter didn’t actually know how to use Tumblr that well, so he couldn’t actually tell if the post was getting likes or not. He normally only saw text posts on Instagram. He was hoping MJ or Ned knew more, and he would just get excited when they did.

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_  
Bruce: I have seven PhDs, seven.  
Also Bruce: Ouch, ouch, oh man, I’ve hurt my leg elbow. My leg elbow really hurts.  
Steve: You’re what?  
Bucky: What exactly is a leg elbow?  
Bruce: *Frantically points at his knee* 

Given that the teens didn’t have very long attention spans, they soon decided there were better things to do than watch the account just waiting for something to happen. There was going to be plenty of opportunity to check it for updates later. They dragged themselves away from the laptop and into the lounge room.

Ned put on Stranger Things and they started to complain about all things school related. From the teachers, to the workload, to PE, there was nothing they couldn’t complain about. It was kind of impressive.

Yet, somehow, it didn’t take long for them to be constantly checking the account. They even started to sort out the quotes Peter had written so that they could make a posting schedule. They were, perhaps, slightly too enthusiastic about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this, and thanks so much for the support on the last chapter, it means the world.
> 
> But, in important news, I watched Captain Marvel yesterday and it’s absolutely amazing. Everyone has to go see it. I think it’s probably going to worm it’s way into being one of my favourite MCU movies. I just can’t get over how amazing the dynamic between all the characters is. Also, the Stan Lee cameo is perfect and I almost cried. Plus, I feel like everything that happened in Infinity War and the lead up to Endgame just fell into place. But yeah, go see Captain Marvel everyone!


	3. The Compound

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Bruce, blissfully unaware: So, who is the new President._   
_Tony: We don’t talk about that._   
_Sam, shaking his head: Donald Trump._   
_Bruce: No._   
_Steve, sadly: It makes me hate America. Maybe I should just be Captain Captain._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Steve, after dropping his toast: I didn’t basically die for this._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Clint: You ever think about how Tony has, like, hundreds of suits, but Rhodey flies around in something as outdated as an IPhone 3?_   
_Rhodey: Well, now I do. Damn._

\---

Whatever Ned and MJ had done with the design of the Incorrect Avengers Quotes account had obviously worked, because the account had blown up. It had been almost dead for the first few days, but after that it had started steadily gaining followers. Screenshots from the account had even started popping up on Instagram.

But the account wasn’t even on Peter’s mind as he headed to the Compound for the weekend. He was just excited to see everyone. Ned had reminded him to keep record of anything that could go on the account before he left, but Peter had pushed it to the back of his head as he told Happy about his week. Happy had recently started to talk more to Peter during their drives to and from the Compound, which made the rides far better.

Since Peter had only been at school all week he didn’t have the most interesting things to talk about. When he had told Happy what babysitting Cassie was like, Happy said he knew what babysitting was like because he constantly had to babysit Peter. That ended that conversation.

Once they arrived, Peter headed straight to the kitchen. It seemed that there was always someone in the kitchen, and the theory didn’t fail him. Wanda, Pepper and Vision were making dinner (okay, Vision was watching) and Tony and Rhodey were discussing what upgrades could be made to their armours.

“I think you should add a coffee machine in mine,” Peter jumped in.

Tony grinned, and reached out to ruffle his hair, “Hey kiddo.”

“I’m pretty sure your suit already has more functions than either of ours,” Rhodey laughed, “Because Tony couldn’t let his little Spider-Baby get hurt.”

Pepper and Wanda both laughed as Peter pouted.

“Don’t worry, a coffee machine would be too big to move around with anyway,” Pepper said.

Tony let out a dramatic gasp, “Are you suggesting I wouldn’t be able to make a tiny, little, compressed coffee machine that fits in a suit? I’m a genius.”

“Oh please, if you could do that there would be one in your suit.”

Everyone in the kitchen laughed at Tony’s expense. Peter made a mental note to remember the conversation. It was, unbeknownst to him, his first mistake.

\---

_Computer loser: So have any of the Avengers noticed the account?_

_Chemistry loser: No_

_Art loser: why would they have the important question is have they said anything dumb we can use_

_Chemistry loser: Well yeah_

_Art loser: good good_

_Computer loser: It’ll be funny if one of them finds out_

Peter sighed and put his phone on his bedside table. He was supposed to be heading to bed, but he never felt like sleeping at the Compound. It had nothing to do with being in a different place, he was just always too excited to even consider wasting time sleeping. He threw his blankets off him and hopped out of bed. A late night walk around the compound would be better than lying awake in bed.

He didn’t really know where to go, because he was fairly sure everyone was asleep. If he accidentally made a really loud noise, there was a lot of people to wake up. Having so many people at the Compound definitely made for a fun dinner, and he was really excited for conspiracy night tomorrow.

Nat, Sam and Rhodey came up with the best theories and answers. Steve and Bucky always found out things they hadn’t previously known, which usually ended hilariously. Tony took the piss out of every theory, while Thor and Loki seemed convinced that all of them could be true through dark magic. Everyone was extremely amusing to watch.

Peter didn’t even know who was going to be there tomorrow night, not that it mattered much. Conspiracy night was the best no matter who was there. He hoped that one day Harley and Shuri would be around for one, since they would be fun to solve mysteries with.

Now that he put thought into it, it would actually be the perfect time to get more quotes, which only increased his excitement for the following night. The voice of reason in the back of his mind told him that he could get to tomorrow night quicker if he went to sleep, but the rest of him was still far to alert to go to sleep.

He headed up to the roof. With sleep out of the picture he may as well go look at the stars. When he got there he noticed that there was already a figure over by the edge of the roof. It took him a moment to recognise it was Bruce, and then he debated whether or not he should go over or just head back downstairs.

In the end he found himself almost absentmindedly heading over to the scientist. He dropped down next to him. Peter was almost giddy, he hadn’t been able to spend much time with Dr Banner since he got back to earth, but he really wanted to. The man had been someone he looked up to for as long as he could remember.

“Hey Peter.”

“Hi Dr Banner. How are you?”

Bruce offered a smile, “I’m fine, and you know you can call me Bruce.”

Peter shrugged.

“You know, it’s the last thing I expected, seeing Tony with a child when I got back,” Bruce said, but he continued to face the stars.

“Yeah, I kind of got that impression when I first met you,” Peter joked.

Bruce pointed up to nothing in particular, “I spent two years up there, and when I come back everything has changed but still managed to fall back into place. There’s still so much I feel like I missed.”

Peter nodded, he didn’t know what to say. It was a serious topic, and Peter couldn’t imagine what it would be like to miss two years of your life. Especially if you were trapped in another body. Or would Hulk be considered another version of Dr Banner’s own body? Peter didn’t really know, but he was saved from the awkwardness when Bruce unexpectedly let out a laugh.

“Sorry, Peter. Sometimes Hulk just says some absolute crap in my head. He thinks he could jump far enough that he could grab a star. I think he misses his Sakaar glory days.”

Peter nodded. He’d never realised that Hulk was still present while Dr Banner was there. Well, he decided to find out more that night. It was good to finally get a chance to talk to Dr Banner properly.

\---

When Peter finally got back to his room that night, he noticed a message from Shuri. He picked up his phone and then almost dropped it again. There was no way.

_The MemeTM: You should check out this account it’s really funny @incorrectavengerssquotes_

Oh god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I’m still not over Captain Marvel. Just had to mention that.  
> Anyways, thank you so much to everyone who reads and supports this story. I appreciate it so much and love reading everyone’s comments.  
> Also, I’m glad everyone liked the whole leg elbow thing, it took me like an hour to come up with it.


	4. The Question

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Tony: Are you suggesting I wouldn’t be able to make a tiny, little, compressed coffee machine that fits in a suit? I’m a genius._   
_Pepper: Oh please, if you could do that there would be one in your suit._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Loki: Why would I pay for therapy, when stabbing someone is free?_   
_Thor, quietly: We’ve talked about this Loki._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Wanda: Why do we say that alarms go off, when they are actually turning on?_   
_Natasha: I’m too tired to think about stuff like that._   
_Clint: Did your alarm go on to early?_

\---

Steve didn’t understand why reporters felt the need to ask them questions just after they finished a fight. They were hot and sweaty and tired. Yet reporters stuck microphones at their faces anyway. Today of all days, he couldn’t figure out why there was any appeal in talking to them. Not only was he surrounded by the remains of mutant squirrels, he was covered in it. And he didn’t even know if the murderous animals were mutated squirrels, that was just his safe guess.

Most of the questions were similar. Basic. The usual, how do you think you went, or what worked best, or can you explain what happened here today. But there was one question that caught his attention. It was close to the end as he was headed back to the quinjet.

“Mr Rogers, Mr Rogers,” A young woman called, “I was wondering if you knew anything about the incorrect Avengers quotes account on Tumblr, it’s blown up lately and it’s pretty funny. I just thought you and the other Avengers might possibly enjoy it.”

“I can’t say I’ve heard anything about it, sorry ma’am.”

The question was all but forgotten as Steve climbed onto the quinjet. It was only him, Sam, Tony, Rhodey and Wanda, but there was still enough animal insides on them to make the enclosed space stink. They decided to leave the talk about the mission until after they had washed up.

In fact, it wasn’t until much later that night when the question came back to Steve. He was assuming that an incorrect quote was just a made up saying. It wouldn’t be the weirdest account dedicated to the Avengers. He shuddered at the thought. And Tumblr? Well he actually had no idea what Tumblr was, but he was fairly sure he had heard Bucky and Shuri talk about it before. Or maybe it was Shuri and Peter. Or Harley. Or- it was too hard to keep up with the younger ones.

Plain curiosity pushed him to search up whatever the reporter had been talking about. He typed ‘incorrect avengers quotes account tumblr’ into the search bar. It would have been easier if he had more to go off, but he didn’t. All he knew was that it was, well, an incorrect quotes account and that it had a lot of followers.

As soon as the results popped up he realised he was being a bit too optimistic. There was a lot of incorrect Avengers quotes accounts. This would take a while. With a sigh he began his search. How was he even going to know when he found the right one. He considered just leaving this until next weekend when Peter and Harley were both going to be at the Compound, but he fell into a deep hole as soon as he opened the first result. These were surprisingly in character.

\---

Tony was greeted by the sight of Steve pacing back and forth when he walked into the conference room. He didn’t know why he had been called to talk to Steve, or why it was so important they had to talk in the conference room and not just the lounge room or something. What he did know was that Steve looked stressed and things normally went to shit when something was wrong with Steve.

Whatever was wrong, the super soldier was so concerned with his pacing that he didn’t notice Tony had entered. Tony walked over to the table and deliberately dragged a chair out to announce his presence. He dropped down into the chair and raised a brow at Steve.

Steve looked grim, “Do you know about the incorrect Avengers quotes account on Tumblr?”

Tony fought the urge to roll his eyes. One, how did Steve know what Tumblr was? Two, why was he looking at incorrect Avengers quotes accounts? Three, how was this important? Tony couldn’t believe this was the thing so urgent he had to pause his upgrades on one of Peter’s suits. There was no way this was a situation desperate enough for conference-room-meeting measures. Absolutely no way.

“So?” Tony asked, “There’s hundreds of those.”

“Yeah, but this one is using actual things we’ve said. Tony, someone could be spying on us. They could leak something important.”

Tony snorted. He had never considered, before now, that Steve might have paranoia. But now that he thought about it, it made sense. Steve was always up for a fight, and now, apparently, setting off a stalker alert.

But Steve didn’t seem to appreciate Tony laughing it off. He’s face was dead serious. He slid his phone across to Tony, with what Tony assumed was the fan account in question open. Tony sighed and picked it up. He began to scroll through the page. He kept a straight face, because he refused to give Steve a win, but internally he was surprised. He could definitely remember saying and hearing some of these things.

He considered agreeing with Steve. He really did. But then he noticed a quote, something he had said in the kitchen recently. And it all fell into place. That little shit. If Tony’s suspicions were correct, then there was no way he was telling Steve. This was going to be far too amusing to give up.

“Look Capsicle, I don’t remember saying or hearing any of these things. In fact, I don’t think you do either. I think you’re just remembering what you want to. Don’t worry, we don’t have a spy, or a stalker, or whatever you want to call it,” Tony explained. It wasn’t totally a lie.

Steve frowned, “I remember saying these things though! We could be in danger! You wouldn’t want Peter or Harley to get hurt would you?”

Oh, the only person Peter would get hurt by was himself.

Tony stood up and clapped Steve on the shoulder, “I think you’re just a bit too worried Steve, so how about this conversation doesn’t leave the room and we all calm down a bit.”

Steve’s jaw was clenched, but he nodded. He didn’t think he was overreacting, but Tony could be right. Tony flashed a grin and left the room. Even though Tony had left with an air of finality, Steve was sure there was something more to this.

He thought about telling Natasha. If anyone could find out who was behind this account, it would be her. But Natasha was ruthless, and if she started a search it would get back to Tony. Steve wasn’t ready to go against Tony again. He didn’t need another fight with Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the support! You guys are honestly so awesome for reading these. Also, I apologise for the long breaks between updates! I’ll try and get it more regular but exam block is taking a bit of a toll on how often I can write.  
> Anyway, enjoy the paranoia that has now set in.


	5. The Recruitments

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Spider-Man: What are you doing, Mr Barnes sir?_   
_Bucky, with his metal arm at a ridiculous angle: Directing the sunlight to Sam’s eyes._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Sam: There are only so many things on this world the make me happy._   
_Natasha: And?_   
_Sam: And food is all of them._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Loki: Sometimes I don’t think about stabbing anyone for a few minutes, and then I reach crisis point because I realise I am forgetting about my roots. My passions. My will to live. My true self. My-_   
_Clint: My sanity?_

\---

Peter had been fretting about the situation at hand for some time. He wanted to tell Shuri that the account was actually his, especially considering she had been sending posts every day. In fact, he didn’t even have a valid reason for not telling her, other than that he was worried that word would somehow get out that he owned the account.

Would it be more embarrassing to exposed at school, or to the Avengers?

Peter weighed up the consequences. At school he would likely be relentlessly bullied by kids who also ran secret Avengers fan accounts. If the Avengers found out he wouldn’t be bullied, maybe teased a little though. And he would probably have to deal with some major disappointment.

He shuddered at the thought of witnessing a live action Captain America PSA.

It’s not like he thought Shuri would tell anyone. She wouldn’t. But someone else might overhear. May would have a field day telling Tony. Or, the FBI agent watching his phone might one day feel the urge to spill all his secrets. But then, the FBI agent would already know about the account, wouldn’t they?

Besides, Shuri knew him well. She had figured out just by his text messages that something was up. Her suspicions had led her to her current course of action. A facetime call with Peter to see why he was acting so strange. The way Peter saw it, he was going to have to tell Shuri that he owned the account she thought was so hilarious. He couldn’t lie face to face, after all, he was notoriously bad at keeping secrets.

Well, FBI agents, secrecy and pride be damned. Shuri would be finding out that Peter ran the account with MJ and Ned. There was no other way.

The call came at the exact time Shuri had said it would. It looked as though she was still tinkering in her lab as she talked, but Peter didn’t mind because it meant she would have a cool new invention to show off next time they hung out. About a minute into the call Shuri looked up and just stared at Peter as if waiting for him to slip up and reveal all his secrets.

“So, why are you acting weird, Baby Stark?”

Well, there was no point lying, “I, uh, the account. I own the account you keep sending quotes from. And it’s all real quotes, not made up ones.”

Shuri narrowed her eyes and placed down the gadgets in her hand. Peter winced slightly.

“Peter Parker, I cannot believe you would start an account and then not tell me about it. And then didn’t tell me when I found the account! Not only is it rude, but I COULD HAVE BEEN A VALUABLE SOURCE OF HELP! YOU THINK T’CHALLA DOESN’T CONSTANTLY SAY STUPID SHIT? THAT ANOTHER PAIR OF EARS WOULDN’T BE HELPFUL?”

“Well, I just, it was a spur of the moment thing and I got caught up and…” Peter tried to excuse himself. Key word: tried.

Shuri watched him struggle for a moment and then started giggling. It was the contagious sort and Peter found himself unable to keep a straight face. The teens laughed for longer than was probably necessary, but who was to judge?

“You’ll let me help now, right?” Shuri said.

“Obviously.”

“Good, so tell me all about it?”

Peter nodded, “Well, Ned and MJ-”

“Ned and MJ? Other people knew? And you couldn’t tell me?” Shuri shook her head, “And here I was thinking I was one of your best friends.”

\---

Harley and Peter had quickly figured out that many of their weekends at the Compound didn’t coincide, so they made sure to spend plenty of time together on the ones that did. Though, that had got them banned from using the kitchen at the same time, because only so many fires could be put out. On such weekends together, they were often seen helping Steve with technology, doing their best to make up completely false facts and convince Thor and Loki it was ‘in with the kids’, following Valkyrie around like lost puppies, or pranking Sam and Bucky.

Oftentimes, there was arguments in the lab about whether chemistry or physics was the superior science. Bruce and Peter were quick to back chemistry, while Harley and Tony sided physics. Peter had always known that physics was Tony’s favourite, but it bugged him a bit that Tony always sided with Harley. It settled like a weight in his stomach. He hated it, because he didn’t want to be jealous of Harley, he liked Harley and his company. But, he had gotten comfortable having Tony to himself.

Peter hadn’t come to the decision yet of whether he was going to tell Harley about the account. Ned and Shuri both thought he should and MJ was indifferent. But then, the more people who knew, the more likely it was to get out. He probably would tell Harley.

Anyway that was in the back of his mind as he sat alone in his lab working to fix a couple of his webshooters. They had been squashed in a particularly vicious fight that included a few thrown cars and a street lamp flying at him. He had almost finished fixing up the first one when Harley came crashing into the lab at top speed. Peter watched as, almost in slow motion, Harley slipped on a screwdriver laying on the floor and went crashing down.

“Ouch,” Harley stood and dusted himself off, “I’m alright. Anyway you’ll never guess what I just heard Steve talking about.”

Peter thought as Harley took the spare seat, “He’s not thinking of joining Tinder, is he?”

“No, but that’s a good mental image. Anyway, he’s totally freaking out, right? Some Tumblr account that posts incorrect Avengers quotes is posting ‘real’ quotes. So Steve is all ‘What if there’s a spy?’ and ‘Someone could take us down from the inside’ and then Bucky looks like he just doesn’t know what to do, right? It was great.”

Peter laughed, but he must have seemed worried, because Harley raised a brow. Peter sighed and checked that the door was closed. He began to tell Harley about the account. Unlike Shuri, Harley stayed quiet the entire time Peter explained it to him. But he did get very excited when Peter asked him to join. Peter could tell that straight away Harley was making a mental list of things he had heard the Avengers say.

This account really was a great idea.

\---

While it worried Peter that Steve knew about the account, he was more focused on the new recruits. It was mostly great that Harley and Shuri knew, because the was now more ears in the operation. Shuri and Harley were also at the Compound at times when Peter wasn’t, which meant more exposure time. Plus, it looked less suspicious if there were quotes coming from times when Peter wasn’t there.

It was good actually. Five people to keep track of the account, which was still growing steadily. Five people to come up with excuses, there was no way the Avengers could find out that people they knew owned this account. If anyone but Steve even found the account that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I’m finally back with an update. I’m so sorry this took so long, things got hectic.   
> Anyway, thanks for all the support this has been getting, and I hope you all enjoyed his chapter.


	6. The Lockdown

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Clint: Don’t talk to me before I have my morning coffee._   
_Bruce: It’s one pm._   
_Clint: Don’t talk to me before I have my afternoon coffee._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Hope: I sometimes wonder how you all got to where you are._   
_Steve: I saw you try to restuff a punching bag you broke yesterday. With feathers._   
_Hope: And I saw you trying to push the same pull door on three consecutive days. My statement remains._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Thor: I need the tool!_   
_Tony: The tool?_   
_Thor: Yes, I have forgotten its name._   
_Tony:_   
_Thor: The one with teeth._   
_Tony:_   
_Thor: It’s very noisy. There is a movie._   
_Tony: A chainsaw?_

\---

When Happy picked Peter up from outside school on Friday afternoon he was thoroughly confused. He checked his phone and saw that Tony had messaged, saying that Peter would be staying at the Compound for the weekend. It didn’t clear the confusion though, because Peter had been at the Compound the last weekend, and he only went every second weekend. To further his confusion, Happy couldn’t tell him why the sudden change had occurred, but did mention that Harley was also going to the Compound. That made even less sense, because Harley had also been there last weekend and he only went every third week.

It was a mostly silent car trip, and when he got to the Compound it was mostly silent too. He didn’t think he had ever seen the reception area so dull and lifeless. Peter decided to take the long way, and found that the R&D department was the same. Empty and lifeless, even with the workers in there.

It struck him that Friday hadn’t even greeted him yet. If he didn’t know any better, he might call this the start to a horror movie. Silent, clean and eerie.

Even when he finally got upstairs, everyone was sitting quietly in the lounge room. Well except Tony and Shuri who were in the back talking animatedly about something. Wait, Shuri? How come she hadn’t mentioned to Peter that she was at the Compound? On the rare occasions she visited she always made sure to let him know. This was just making less and less sense. Peter noticed Harley sitting in one of the armchairs, reading something on his phone, but could only question how Harley arrived before he did. Harley lived further away than him.

“Can someone please tell me what is going on?”

Everyone turned to Peter as if they had just noticed he was there, which they probably had. It was a relief to see Wanda shrug, and Scott, Hope and T’Challa look just as confused as he felt.

“Ask Steve,” Rhodey mumbled.

Steve stood up and everyone watched to see what he had to say.

“Well, it has recently come to my attention that there is a Tumblr account out there, called incorrect avengers quotes, but spelt weirdly, that claims to be posting made up sayings from us.”

“Yeah, so?” Harley asked.

“So, they are actually real quotes. All things we have said. This can only mean two things, a worker in the building is spying on us, or someone has hacked our security and is spying on us. Either way, they have a hold of valuable information which they could start to use for more dangerous things. For all of our own protection, I have called a lockdown at the Compound. You’ll have to stay until this is solved. And I’m sorry Tony, I know you said I was overreacting, but we’re in real trouble.”

Peter turned in surprise to look at his dad, who met his gaze and winked. Crap. Crap. Crap. What did he know?

Peter took a calming breath, “Uh Steve, what about when we,” he gestured to himself and Harley, “Have to go back to school in two days.”

“We’ll think of an excuse to get you out of it.”

“Nice!” Harley said.

—-

This was probably the first time that everyone had been and the Compound at once, and it seemed they had quickly formed into two sides. One believed that the account meant great danger, and the other thought it was all a bit of a joke.

On the very worried side: Steve was completely on edge, and believed they were in lots of danger; T’Challa, unknowing of the truth, thought this was a good way to protect Shuri; Harley claimed to be very worried, but was really just having some fun; Natasha took all security threats very seriously; Thor saw it in their best needs to be protected; Wanda and Sam recognised it was a problem if someone was listening in on the Compound; Vision believed that if someone could hack security they could hack him too; Clint and Hope were both worried about their families, so were not taking any chances; and Loki just enjoyed the drama of picking a side.

On the not worried side: Pepper and Happy were just unhappy with the fact that they were caught up in the whole lockdown thing, since they had more important things to do; Tony knew it was the kids and thought it was all rather funny; Shuri and Peter ran the account and didn’t want to get in trouble, or be forced to stop it; Valkyrie didn’t seem to know, or be worried, about what was going on; Rhodey could see why there was worry, but thought this was a bit of an overreaction; Bucky was mostly just convinced this was a little paranoia on Steve’s part; Scott could see it all turning out to be an elaborate joke; and Bruce just didn’t see the need to worry.

There wasn’t fighting in between the two beliefs, per se, it was just clear that not everyone was on the same page. It was even more clear that no one wanted to be stuck in lockdown.

“So,” Wanda asked, “What does the lockdown actually mean?”

“No one is allowed in or out of the building,” Sam replied.

“Dammit, my Vietnamese takeaway just arrived,” Harley groaned.

Sam looked at him, “Well, you can go get that.”

“Sam. Lockdown.” Steve said.

“Steve. Vietnamese.” Sam said.

“How about we stop arguing and try to find out who is spying on us?” Nat said.

It didn’t take long for everyone in the Compound to be looking for, or pretending to look for, the infiltrator. Nat, Shuri and Vision worked on searching through the computer systems for any anomalies, Tony checked Friday, and everyone else searched around for physical clues or scoured through hours of security footage to try to find something. Peter made sure he was the one watching footage from his lab, since he had told Harley about the account in there.

Peter was definitely, one hundred and ten percent, freaking out. He had never even expected any of the Avengers to find out about the account. It was a joke. It was only a joke. But now they were in a state of emergency and it was not good. Maybe this had gone too far. Maybe Steve was taking this too seriously. Maybe they should take down the account. Maybe they should keep it up. Maybe the others will also find it funny. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

This was so not good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I owe everyone a huge apology. It has been far too long since I last updated. I haven’t got much of a reason, I have just had no confidence in my writing lately. But I’m back on track now and I intend to have this fic finished soon. There are probably one or two more fics in this series then I have something else in store. I have been blown away by the amount of support this, and my other fics, has received in my absence. I can’t thank you all enough, it makes me so happy.  
> Now onto what is obviously important, Endgame. I am broken, absolutely and completely broken. Nat’s scene killed me, and if you hadn’t guessed, Tony is my favourite character, so I’m not coping well. Also the moment Harley appeared on screen I was like ‘There he is, there’s my child.’ Here’s hoping he’s in some more movies now. Obviously there’s Far From Home coming up, and I can’t even get through the trailers so the movie will undoubtedly stomp in my heart some more. Side note: if you want to read an Endgame fic, go read my one shot Big Brother.  
> That said, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter.


	7. The Confidant

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Wanda: So, what does the lockdown actually mean?_   
_Sam: No one is allowed in or out of the building._   
_Intern: Dammit, my Vietnamese takeaway just arrived._   
_Sam: Well, you can go get that._   
_Steve: Sam. Lockdown._   
_Sam: Steve. Vietnamese._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Scott, over the intercom: So, if I accidentally have out of date medicine, then take not out of date medicine to counteract that, is it going to make me feel better or am I going to overdose?_   
_Tony: Please tell me this is hypothetical._   
_Hope: Scott where are you?_

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_T’Challa, after Shuri puts coffee in her cereal: WHERE ARE YOUR BRAINS?_   
_T’Challa, five minutes later: So, if anyone is wondering about the fire in the kitchen, I didn’t put a fork in the microwave by accident._

\---

Peter, Shuri and Harley sat on Peter’s bed and discussed their options. As it so happened, one of the other rules of lockdown was that everything that was sent from or to everyone’s phones was recorded by Friday. After Harley had come back with his takeaway dinner (which turned out to be meals for everyone), Steve had explained the actual rules of a Compound Lockdown. Or a Lockdown Protocol. Or Steve’s Paranoia, as Bucky had taken to calling it. Steve had given a long winded speech about how he was sure it was none of them, but lockdown procedure called for all evidence to be checked. And so, Steve now looked through Friday every night to check that no one was the spy. The leak.

Peter almost felt guilty, except that was a major violation of his privacy, so he didn’t. It was Tuesday now, and May had had to tell school that he was sick and needed the week off. She was the only person that he had been receiving texts from in the last four days. On Friday night, after the briefing, he had sent a quick message to MJ and Ned and warned them not to send anything ‘stupid’ because all his messages were being checked. Peter really hated lockdown.

However, the account was still up and running, which he knew because Steve had a livestream of it playing in the lounge room. Clearly, his amazing friends were still running the account using quotes they had previously lined up for posting. He was already preparing for the huge thank you that he was going to give them after this stupid lockdown ended. Even more luckily, he had managed to get an extra quote to them before his messages started being recorded. Which was great, because the takeaway debate had been hilarious.

“We could try to hack into Friday, stop Steve from seeing our messages,” Shuri said.

“Yeah, but he’s always watching,” Harley said, “Are we sure Friday can’t hear us in here?”

“Positive,” Peter assured, “Dad disabled her in here ages ago. Anyway, if all else fails we could just write everything down on a piece of paper and mail it to them.”

“Archaic,” Shuri mumbled.

Harley was about to start laughing, and Peter’s head started to buzz, when the door flung open. Harley jumped back slightly. At the same time Shuri tried to train her expression into a serious one and Peter fell off the bed in shock. This was it. They were caught. They were in trouble. Huge trouble.

“Or,” sang Tony’s voice, “You could ask your dear father for help.”

The three teens stared at him.

“I knew you knew!” Peter jumped back onto the bed.

Tony laughed, “Of course, I’ve known since Steve told me about the account. Everyone else here may be dumb, but I know you three. Plus, the account and everyone freaking out is hilarious, so I’ve reprogrammed the protocol myself. To everyone else it will look like you are still receiving similar messages to everyday, but it will be bots. You’re free again.”

The teens shared a quick glance, and without warning, they tackled Tony in a hug.

\---

With their privacy restored, Peter made a group chat with Shuri, Harley, Ned and MJ. There was an overload of new quotes because, as Harley said, this lockdown really brought the best out of everyone. Funnily enough, it actually did. People were working together, properly, in an attempt to solve this. Sure, there was still a pretty even split between who thought this was all pretty funny and those who were scared, but almost everyone was a little on edge. Tony had sent him a video, which he had since sent to his friends, of Thor rocking back and forth and fretting about all the stupid things he said getting out.

In fact, Peter was fairly sure the only person not making the best of the situation was him. He never thought he would say it, but he kind of wished he was back at school. If it wasn’t for Shuri and Harley, he would have undoubtedly died of boredom by now. That or he would have given himself up. This week was making it impossible for him to understand why anyone would want to be a villain. Constantly being on edge sucked.

So far, in four days, he had almost lost it multiple times. On Friday he had slammed his hand in a draw because Bruce had walked into the kitchen and startled him. Saturday morning, he walked straight into a wall, because his senses were going crazy from Sam staring at him. On Saturday afternoon he had followed that up by tripping down a flight of stairs when Wanda started walking next to him. Sunday had brought him pouring milk on the bench when Hope gave him a funny look. Monday entailed walking into a table because Valkyrie was staring at his phone. And Tuesday saw him falling off the bed when Tony walked in, and ready to give up his phone to Loki when they bumped into each other in the kitchen, because what the hell, he was texting the group (IllegalTM, by the way) and was practically caught.

To make a long story short, things were not going well for Peter.

Shuri and Harley were also freaking out, but he hadn’t seen either of them embarrass themselves. He really wanted to leave the tower, even if it was for just five minutes. Ned had, as a joke, hatched an escape plan for him. It was definitely tempting. MJ, Shuri and Harley were less helpful. MJ said it was probably obvious it was him anyway, and Shuri and Harley insisted that they were trying to cope themselves. Worst of all, he couldn’t turn to Tony, because everyone else was literally always hounding him for help.

Peter turned to the last thing he could think of. The gym. It was around the time of afternoon when most of the Avengers were there for their training, but he ignored everyone. He headed straight for the punching bags, an unusual move for Peter Parker, but hey, everyone else said they were a great stress reliever. As soon as he started the exercise everything else faded, the others in the room, the way they watched him, his punches, the way they got faster and his really punching fighting style. The only thing he focussed on was his plan, the one that would get all the attention off him. The one he didn’t actually have. The one he would love to talk to Tony about, if Tony weren’t always busy.

Peter was about to hit the punching bag really hard when Steve stepped in.

“Hey, Peter, you alright?”

Peter whirled around in surprise, knocking the punching bag on his way and falling straight through it, onto the ground. He peered up at Steve and the others who were looking at him. Crap. Crap, crap, crap. He really could not keep it together.

“Y-yeah, I guess, I’m just, you know, I’m worried about the account. Yeah, the account.”

Steve opened his mouth and the doors to the gym burst open.

“Everyone worry no more!” Tony announced, behind him were all the Avengers who were not in the training room.

“I’ve figured out who runs the account. Or I’ve narrowed it down,” he continued.

Peter felt his own expression morph into a glare at his dad, he wouldn’t really do this. Would he? He could see clearly that both Harley and Shuri, who were standing in the group behind Tony, were just as confused. Peter met Shuri’s gaze and she shrugged.

“Well, are you going to tell us?” Nat asked.

Tony grinned, “Well, it’s obviously none of us, the account is still running and Friday’s data show none of us are behind it. So it has to be an intern in the building, someone who has somehow managed to hack into Friday and is watching, just like us.”

“So you believe me now? You think we could be in trouble?” Steve asked.

At the same time, Wanda asked, “How can you be so sure it is an intern?”

“No, Capsicle, I still don’t care that much. And Wanda, dearest, it has to be an intern because one of the quotes refers to Harley as an intern, which is exactly what all the actual interns think he is.”

“Well,” Peter squeaked, “Well,” he tried again, voice deeper this time, “Now that that’s sorted, I think I should get back to school.”

“Not so fast, Pete, we still have to figure out which intern it is,” Hope said.

Peter gulped slightly, everyone else was looking at Hope, Tony or Steve, but Peter really didn’t like the way Hope was looking at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah it feels good to be posting again! I haven’t got much to say this time, but as always, everyone’s support on this fic means the world to me. Thank you!


	8. The Confession

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_  
_Tony: What day is it today? Tuesday? Wednesday? WRONG. IT’S RHODEY APPRECIATION DAY. Every day is a Rhoday._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_  
_Natasha: I spent forty minutes trying to think of the word ‘about’ yesterday. I’m an embarrassment._  
_Sam: Sounds like you better do something ~about~ your memory._  
_Bucky: Get out._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_  
_Tony: I, the inventor, never work as well without my coffee._  
_Clint, later, pouring coffee into a robot: The inventions never work as well without coffee._

\---

After the rather embarrassing display, Peter returned to practicing his punches. He didn’t know why; he was really terrible at it – especially with the mood he was in. Almost unconsciously he made the decision to switch his focus from the punching bag to the sound of footsteps as people left. He expected after the revelations of the last few minutes, no one else would be staying in the gym. There was definitely some people who would be headed straight to the conference room, the easiest place to access Friday, to search through the interns. Peter’s stomach dropped with the realisation that an intern would be taking the blame for something he had done.

Once it was clear no one else was leaving, Peter turned around. Hope and Scott were still standing in the gym. Actually, Scott had clearly attempted to leave, but Hope had grabbed his sleeve and held him there. Hope seemed to be the only one who knew what she was doing there, while Scott had begun to hum and Peter tried to ignore the look Hope was still giving him (the same look as Sunday!). The problem was, Peter was somewhat scared of her. Well, not really her… but she was kind of a major badass, and Peter had a big secret. One that would probably make people very angry. One that could get someone else in trouble.

It was in that moment that Peter knew he was going to spill the beans about the account. There was no way he couldn’t. He had to make this confession. Later on, when he told Harley and Shuri about his decision, he would blame it on how terrified he was. The reality however was that Peter was really, really terrible at keeping secrets. And he felt really guilty. It had been days and he was not dealing well with the pressure, and he had already embarrassed himself enough.

He hoped May wasn’t lying all those times she said he was impossible to be angry at. It kind of seemed like his last hope at the moment. Unless Hope and Scott weren’t too angry. They were nice, right? They liked him, right? But, oh man, they were still staring at him.

“Alright!” he blurted, “Alright, it’s me. I run the account and it was only supposed to be a joke. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Hope said.

“I’m a terr- what, you know?”

Hope laughed, “Peter you are atrocious at keeping secrets.”

“And, we can talk to ants!” Scott added.

“Ants told you I was the one who ran the account?” That was plain humiliating.

“No,” Scott said, “Ants told us you, Shuri, Harley and your school friends ran the account.”

Peter had no idea how to react, so he decided to sit on the floor.

“Don’t worry,” Hope said, “We won’t tell anyone else. But Peter, I think you should tell everyone soon.”

Thank goodness, they were nice. He knew that. Of course he did, he knew them. Peter hated this feeling. Maybe he should tell everyone. If Hope and Scott had figured it out through ants (Peter’s mind was still reeling over that. Ants! Ants!), then who else knew. Probably everyone. Oh god, he was going to be in so much trouble. Oh no. Oh crap. (Ants!)

But if everyone knew, how was Peter still alive? Which meant not everyone knew. Which was good. Yes, yes, it was good. Peter could still do this. Peter and MJ and Ned and Shuri and Harley could still do this. It was still possible. Maybe he should go clear the air and tell everyone now. In years to come they could look back on it as a hilarious joke. They wouldn’t be that angry, right? At least half of them didn’t even think it was a big threat. But that meant half of them did. No, no, no. He had to get this doubt out of his head. He had to talk to his friends. Hopefully in the past few hours they had become better at comforting people.

Oh boy, he may as well just go write his will now.

\---

Tony paced around his lab. Stupid Steve. Stupid Steve. Stupid Tony. Stupid Steve. He would really like to blame Steve for this mess, but wasn’t it technically his fault? No. Screw that. It was both their faults. Yep. That was it. After all, he wasn’t about to blame the kids. The account was something they had started for fun, and it was fun. Teenagers deserved to have fun. Plus, if this was how they found enjoyment, he wasn’t complaining, because teenage Tony did things that were far worse.

In his anger he walked straight into a chair, but rather than hopping around holding his stubbed toe, he sat in it.

“Dammit,” he groaned.

The intern thing had only been an excuse to get Steve off his back. He didn’t actually want any of his interns in trouble. No way, he liked them all too much. But true to Steve fashion, Steve had immediately marched off to stalk all the interns in the system. So yes, Tony had messed up. He considered going to tell Steve now, but then his kids would be in trouble.

Deep down he knew that he would pick his kids over the interns, but it seemed like and impossible choice. Shuri, Peter and Harley, or his interns?

He couldn’t do that to any of the interns. They were all so hardworking, they all had big dreams. Tony needed to think of something, and he needed to do it fast. He needed to get them out of the hot water he had so carelessly thrown them into. Shit, wasn’t he supposed to be smart?

He needed a plan. And as if by some miracle he didn’t believe in, a plan appeared right in front of him. Kind of.

“Struggling, Stark?” Loki’s voice was clear as glass through the murky mess of Tony’s thoughts.

Loki and Bruce stood in the doorway. Loki stood tall and smirked at Tony, while Bruce slouched in the door and left a fair distance between Loki and himself. Even after all the time they had spent together, Bruce still seemed unsure of him. Tony waited for one of them to tell him what was going on, but Loki seemed more interested in his taunt. Or maybe he was worried that Tony wouldn’t let him into the lab. Who knows? Bruce made the first move to enter, and sat down opposite Tony, and Loki followed his lead.

“We know the account belongs to the kids,” Bruce announced.

Tony stared at him for a moment, if Bruce knew, Bruce knew. There was no use in arguing with him. Bruce was smart. Loki was smart. Neither of them were good angry. Also, it would be vaguely embarrassing if it turned out one of the kids had told them and he looked like an idiot for disagreeing. Rationally, Peter wasn’t great at keeping secrets. Neither was Harley for that matter, he didn’t have much concept of what was an appropriate time to share things. Shuri was. All of Wakanda was good at keeping secrets. But all of that was so off topic.

“How?”

Loki smirked, “I can read minds.”

Well damn. That was somewhat inconvenient (and invasive), “Really?”

“No,” his smirk widened, “But if I wanted I could have transformed into literally anyone in this compound and found out.”

“That’s comforting,” Tony sighed. He spread his arms to both of them, a gesture to let him know what their reason for being there was.

“I actually figured it out,” Bruce began, “Because you said it had to be an intern, because the account referred to Harley as an intern, which all the other interns think he is.”

“Yes,” Tony agreed.

Bruce smiled, “Yeah, but the account refers to Peter as ‘Spider-Man’, something the other interns don’t know.”

“But all of that is unnecessary, all that’s necessary is we want to help,” Loki said, as he stared right at Tony.

Tony didn’t hide his shock very well. “Why?”

Bruce shrugged, “I want Peter to help me with something.”

“And I,” Loki said, “Am dreadfully bored of this place, there has been minimal drama since I got here. This, this is fun. Here’s my plan: I shapeshift, as I previously mentioned I could do, into the ‘intern’ behind it all, thus continuing the wild goose chase.”

Tony stared at him for a moment. This was technically a plan, right? Yes. Yes, it was. But then again, he had to make it look like he was actually thinking about it. This plan would probably blow up in his face, like every plan ever, but on the bright side, Loki hadn’t tried to kill a single person since he got back to earth. And that was good. That was a great improvement. Part of him maybe even wanted to see how the whole thing worked out. Maybe.

“Fine.”

“I’m going to go get the kids. They should know the plan.” Bruce said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what more appropriate time to update than after watching Far From Home? I saw it today and it was great. I am completely and absolutely broken. It was funny, and it was sad - I cried, like literal sobbing. But most of all the post credit scenes made me really, really angry. Btw there is a mid and post credit scene and I highly recommend staying for both.  
> Anyway, I always write my own quotes for this story (fun fact, sometimes it takes me almost as long to do that as it does to write the chapter), but the ‘Rhoday’ quote was completely copied from a tumblr post by ‘notrustliar’ because I couldn’t help myself. I just love Rhodey so much. Damn.  
> And finally, thank you all for all the support!


	9. The Scheme

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_  
_T’Challa, sighing: I have been… yeeted_  
_Shuri: *puts her thumbs up wildly*_

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_  
_*Over the intercoms*_  
_Thor: Can someone tell me why my popcorn is not popping?_  
_Pepper: IT IS 3AM! WHO CARES ABOUT THE POPCORN?_  
_Wanda: Go to sleep!_  
_Bruce: Why are you even awake?_  
_Thor:_  
_Thor: So, no one is telling me?_

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_  
_Bruce: Oh man, my feet fingers are hurting._  
_Rhodey: He’s talking about toes. He means his toes._  
_Rhodey: You do mean your toes, right?_  
_Bruce: Those are the ones._

\---

“What do you mean Hope and Scott know?” Tony demanded.

Bruce, Tony, Loki, Harley, Shuri and Peter were in Tony’s lab and had been for the better part of the last half hour. They were discussing a plan. There were so many details that had to go into it to make sure that it worked perfectly. They had to find a face that didn’t match any of the interns, they had to make a fake profile for the intern and upload it to the systems, they had to come up with a suitable punishment for the intern because they couldn’t do anything involving legal punishment since the intern wasn’t a real person. Only one problem had sorted itself out easily: Loki would create an illusion of himself while he was posing as the intern, so no one would ask why Loki wasn’t there. Things had finally started to come together when Peter blurted that Scott and Hope knew that he ran the account.

Peter had suddenly become very interested with his feet. Everyone else stared at him.

“That’s what I mean,” he mumbled, “Hope and Scott know. They figured it out. You know? I mean, I told them, but they already knew. So…”

“Hmm, come to think of it, Vision definitely knows,” Shuri says.

“Oh my…” Tony placed his head in his hands.

“Come on, Dad. Like you haven’t told Rhodey, Pepper and Happy,” Peter argued.

“That’s different,” Tony said.

“How?”

“It just is. Plus, Pepper is scarier than the rest of the Avengers and she has a very important job. I have never seen her so pissed off as she has been during the lockdown. I’m fairly sure she is prepared to murder Steve.”

“Well,” Harley cut in, “I suppose this is a good time to tell everyone that I told Bucky.”

Everyone stared at him, and he raised his hands defensively, “The dude’s scary!”

Silence fell over the room as everyone took the time to comprehend their own stupidity. Harley’s admission was arguably the worst, considering Bucky was Steve’s best friend and Steve was most worried, but Peter and Tony had both told more people. Should they tell those people about their new plan? Peter placed his head in his hands, if he had known the account would cause this much trouble, he would never have started it. Unfortunately, it was too late to back out now.

Never one to be discouraged, Shuri got up and began to make a list of sorts. The left column named everyone in the building who knew about the account: Peter, Tony, Harley, Bruce, Loki, Hope, Scott, Bucky, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Vision and Shuri. Thirteen. The right side listed those who didn’t know: Steve, Natasha, Clint, T’Challa, Wanda, Thor, Valkyrie, Sam. Eight. Everyone but Shuri, who couldn’t help but laugh, groaned at the realisation that there was quite literally more people who knew about the account’s true owners than didn’t. It really seemed to make the whole thing pointless. 

A debate started up about whether it was really worth going ahead with the plan, or whether telling the final eight Avengers would be easier. The argument wasn’t really going either way until Loki presented his winning point. His logic was quite simple, even if all of the Avengers knew, their plan would still be fun to carry out.

“The plan is definitely going ahead?” Peter confirmed.

Harley nodded, “This afternoon.”

As everyone prepared to leave, Bruce voiced his final concern, “Aren’t Nat and Steve going through security footage? Won’t they see this?”

“Nope,” Tony said, “I changed the programming way back so that Friday would stop recording whenever the kids talked about the account.”

“Smart.”

\---

At exactly three forty-seven that afternoon Harley ran around the Compound, informing everyone that Tony had figured out who the ‘stalker’ was. Peter, Tony and the fake Loki were all waiting at the elevator, and by the time Harley reached them he was leading all the Avengers like a herd. They all attempted to get into the elevator in one go, while Tony watched on in disappointment, but they soon figured out that they would need to go in turns.

It took two trips to get everyone to the R&D department. They all headed into a private meeting room, where Pepper and Happy were already waiting, and began to get comfortable. Peter and Shuri sat on either side of fake Loki, to prevent anyone from getting the opportunity to figure out it wasn’t actually him. He had warned them that the clone would not be solid, and the three children had gone on to test this theory by poking their hands straight through the fake Loki.

Everyone looked up at Tony expectantly. Or tried to, as it turned out some of those in the know weren’t the best actors ever. The room seemed smaller than ever with all of them in there, but Peter reasoned that that could just be his overwhelming guilt. He shifted in his seat, which moved him closer to the fake Loki. Tony smiled back at all of them, dragging out the suspense and giving them a chance to prepare themselves. Once he’d had decided there was enough annoyance on everyone’s faces, he walked towards the door.

“Right,” Tony clasped his hands, “Everyone meet out perpetrator!”

He gestured to the door right next to him and Loki walked in. Only, most of the room didn’t know it was Loki, because he had transformed into a tall, slightly hunched over, teen with wild blue eyes and shaggy red hair. It had taken them forever to find someone who looked different enough from all the other interns. It was definitely worth it seeing this end result.

There was a lot of surprise in the atmosphere of the room. Like, a lot, a lot. Everyone got the feeling Steve hadn’t actually believed the person running the account had been caught. But here was this scrawny, non-threatening looking, probably broke, intern in front of them. It actually seemed kind of anticlimactic to have spent so long searching for someone, so long stressing, only to have him standing in front of them now, caught by the person who hadn’t really cared in the first place. No matter how unexpected it was, there was belief written on Steve’s face (though there probably wouldn’t have been if he had seen fake Loki’s smirk at that moment) and relief painted on Thor’s face.

“This is Luca Grint,” Tony said, “And I have unfortunately had to fire him.

“That seems lenient,” Natasha said.

“Mhm, well I decided to let him off easy because this was a big misunderstanding. After all, he never was trying to take us down or hurt us by spying on us. He just wanted to create entertainment for millions of others,” Tony explained. He said it as though all of it was totally valid, and if the others disagreed they couldn’t voice it because his tone was final, “Plus, Luca is my intern, so I figured I should make the punishment.”

“So he gets a punishment that light?” Sam asked.

“My intern, my rules,” Tony confirmed.

“But he put our safety at risk,” T’Challa said.

“I think Tony just has a soft spot for his interns,” Wanda said quietly. Actually, knowingly, she said it knowingly. Tony stared hard at her but she only smiled.

“And it was definitely him?” Steve asked.

“One hundred percent.”

“It was, um, me, yeah. I’m really sorry Mr Rogers and everyone. I really thought it was funny.” It occurred to Peter that Loki seemed to mock him with the nervous speech pattern. He scowled slightly.

“Pepper, Happy, you want to escort Mr Grint out?” Tony asked, “And I can show the rest of you doubters the confession tapes.”

Pepper and Happy silently led the young redhead out and Tony set up a projector on the table. Almost immediately the holographic projection popped up in front of all of them and the group watched the ‘confession tape’ in silence. It wasn’t much of a spectacle, just Tony, Happy and Bruce (who they told the others had been with Tony when he figured it out), and Luca. The video played out much like you would expect a police interrogation to go, based on what was seen on television. They presented the evidence they had found (fabricated) and talked for a bit until the perpetrator admitted his guilt. It was a pretty entertaining watch, particularly for those who knew the full story.

People started to trail out and head back up to the private levels of the building. To Peter, Harley and Shuri, it seemed as though the video had been believed and there would finally be some weight lifted off their shoulders. It was a good turn of events; it was another point in their favour. They of course headed straight for Peter’s room to call Ned and MJ and inform them of everything that had happened, which was a lot. Ned was ridiculously excited, and MJ, well actually, she was rather happy too.

\---

Things went smoothly the next day. There was no tension over breakfast, since the discovery of the culprit had erased the sides that had been drawn up during Steve’s Paranoia(TM). Peter and Harley had finally been able to pack their bags and get ready to head back to school, and many others had finally been able to gather their things and got ready to head home and relax. Which they all considered as something that was much needed after this debacle.

Peter found it a little shocking that everyone had so readily believed the lie, but he didn’t say anything about it. He did notice that Hope seemed to want him to tell everyone the truth, based on the looks she was giving him, but he really didn’t think he could now. Maybe when things simmered down further. Or maybe never. The thought filled him with guilt all over again, but he really didn’t know what to do. He had decided to never lie again. Never, ever, ever. This was it. This was his dip into the dark side, and now he was prepared to live the rest of his life in the relative comfort of the good side.

Peter had just finished up washing his breakfast plate when Bruce popped up beside him.

“Hey Dr… Bruce,” Peter greeted, as he remembered flashes of their conversation on the roof. He couldn’t remember exactly when it had been, but it must have been weeks ago now.

“Hey Peter, so I wanted to ask you something,” Bruce peered around the kitchen to make sure no one else was there before he continued, “It kind of has to do with the account.”

Peter nodded, he knew it was risky, but any reason to talk to Dr Banner was a good one, “Of course.”

“Well, you might remember our talk a while back. On the roof?”

Peter smiled. He had just been remembering that.

“I told you that Hulk says random stuff in my head sometimes,” Bruce continued, “And I saw how much fun you kids had had with your social media, and I thought I should try something like that, so I was wondering if you wanted to help me set up an account I can put Hulk’s thoughts on.”

Peter agreed immediately. No matter how much trouble the incorrect quotes account had gotten him into, it had been fun. And who was he to say no to Bruce Banner? They started immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who finally got their shit together and posted? Sorry for the long wait! I’m so glad to be back. Thank you to everyone who is reading and supporting this fic. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	10. The truth

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Valkyrie: I’m officially out of alcohol. I need some._   
_Wanda: Perfume has alcohol._   
_Valkyrie: Not enough to drown my sorrows._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Rhodey (possibly drunk): Have you all heard of the theory that there’s an alternate universe on the other side of mirrors and your reflection is stopping you from getting through? What if it’s true?_   
_Pepper: Or maybe you can’t get through them because they are solid objects, and you can’t get through any solid object._

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Hope: How early is too early to start preparing for Halloween?_   
_Tony: Anything before October 31st_   
_Bucky: September_   
_Sam: There is no appropriate time to stop preparing for Halloween._   
_Clint: Yeah, every day is either Halloween or prepare for Halloween day._

\---

_@therealhulk_   
_Hulk, on the sun: “A big, fiery bouncy ball. And a good meal. Science, yes?”_

\---

Peter had finally settled back into a routine he actually enjoyed. Or, enjoyed as much as one could when high school was part of said routine. But honestly, he would take anything over the extended weekend of torture he had experienced at the Compound a fortnight ago. So he had fallen easily into his non-criminal life. He ate and caught up with May every morning, went to school, did homework for however long he needed, patrolled the streets as Spider-Man, and called Tony before heading to bed.

It was perfect, which could only mean one thing: it wouldn’t last for long.

And it was about to come crashing down.

It happened on a Friday afternoon while he was absentmindedly watching the news as he prepared to go on patrol. He had one foot in his suit when the screen changed to a video of Bruce, who was clearly uncomfortable with the reporter in his face. Peter cringed, instantly sympathising, as it was the exact way he felt around strangers. He fell back onto the couch to watch the segment.

The interviewer was asking Bruce about a shit post account. One that went by the name of @therealhulk. It was an account that had blown up recently, especially after a shout out from @incorrectavengerssquotes. Of course, the interview didn’t provide any news for Peter. He knew all about the account, it was just the rest of the public that wanted to know. There was a pretty even divide amongst fans of the Avengers: those who believed the account was actually run by Bruce, and those who thought it was just a stupid joke. The interviewer was clearly part of the former group, as she seemed determined to get any and all information out of Bruce about it.

A loud ringing threw his attention away from the television. STEVE ROGERS glared up at him from his phone in large block letters. There was no picture accompanying it, a fact he already knew, but, for whatever reason, it made Peter’s stomach drop. Steve had never called him before. Never.

\---

The unexpected call was all Peter could think about. So much so that he could no longer concentrate on his patrol. He had told an ominous Steve that he would swing to the Compound after his patrol, but now he was hardly patrolling.

Part of Peter wasn’t even surprised that he was once again headed to the Compound on a weekend he wasn’t supposed to. Although, the fact that this impromptu visit was on the orders of Steve, and not Tony, meant Peter could not help but worry. Last time he had gone to the Compound unplanned it had been for the lockdown, which meant that whatever the reason was this time, it had to be serious. Peter did not have high hopes. In fact, he had very little hope. He was almost positive he knew what the reason was, and this fear was only heightened when he found out Harley and Shuri were also on their ways to the Compound.

The word Compound was definitely going through his head too much. As was a raging guilt.

He knew that he had started in the direction of the Compound when he had lost focus on patrol, but he hadn’t realised just how close he was until he swung into a tree. And not even into the leaves or the branches. Just straight into the trunk. Because of course he did. There was laughing from below him, because of course Harley and Shuri would arrive right as he made a fool of himself.

These things were omens, he was sure of it, and Peter wasn’t even superstitious.

He dropped down in front of his laughing friends, “I wonder if they know we’re the ones who made the incorrect quotes account?”

“I mean, they had to figure it out eventually, right?” Harley shrugged, “They can’t be that stupid.”

“Have you heard what they say on a regular basis? I think the only reason they would ever figure it out would be if we made a post about it.”

Shuri’s confidence quelled Peter’s nerves enough that he no longer felt the need to throw up. But not much more than that. Never one to be deterred though, Shuri only rolled her eyes and grabbed a hold of an arm of each boy, and dragged them towards the building.

It was certainly more comfortable this time, going through the levels of the building. Now that the life, which was the bustling interns and humming machines, had made its return it actually felt like being home. Peter tried to focus on the comfort he felt in that, but he struggled.

If someone had asked him when he had hit rock bottom that day, he would not have been able to say. It could have been when he got the call from Steve, and he just knew. Or it could have been when he swung straight into a tree, because he just knew. But it was more than likely that it was when he stepped out of the elevator on the private level of the Compound and was greeted by the entire Avengers line up, and he had never known anything so certainly as he knew this: he had been discovered. They had been discovered.

“We invited you all because we wanted a pizza night!” Bucky announced.

“You- what? I’m sorry?” Peter stumbled over his words.

“Great!” Harley exclaimed, all but cutting Peter off. He began to make his way forwards, but Steve placed a hand square on his chest and guided him back to where the other two were. Peter wished, not for the first time, that he could have just some of Harley’s confidence.

“That,” Steve started, and shot his best friend a glare, “Is not close to the reason you’re all here.”

Well, this was it. Peter was going to have to fake his death, move out of the country, and either get a fake ID or live off the land for the rest of his life. He would die alone and uncertain, and he would forever be haunted by the Avengers being angry at him. There would be no redeeming features of his post-criminal life.

“I’ve got you all here today because I think we need to have an important talk. One about trust.”

Tony snorted at this. He didn’t even make any attempt to hide it. Honestly, though, he wasn’t the only one who was giving Steve a look with some variation or degree of incredulousness.

“What the hell are you on about?” Clint asked.

“Well, I felt something was off, so I was going through the security footage again,” (“Trust,” Tony mumbled.) “And I noticed that a lot of it was missing. Including when we met Grint. And it took me a while, but there’s no footage of the kids talking about the account. At all. And then I was putting together more and more evidence.”

“You mean to tell me,” Natasha started.

“Those three run the account,” Steve confirmed, with a nod to the kids.

The three of them stood frozen in the doorway. Everyone was staring at them. Though, since the majority already knew, there wasn’t a whole heap of surprise going around. Before any of them could come to their own defence, Bucky cut in.

“Yeah, no shit.”

“What?” T’Challa demanded.

“I thought we all knew,” Vision said.

That opened the floodgates. Shouts were going back and forth, between those who knew and those who didn’t. Those who felt they had been betrayed and those who thought it was hilarious. This and that, this and that. And shouting, shouting, shouting. It got to the point where it didn’t seem like anyone really knew what they were saying anymore.

Peter, Shuri and Harley made eye contact, and the decision was unanimous. They fled from the room before they could be noticed. Somehow, they ended up locked in Harley’s room, where it was quieter and they had time to evaluate. Shuri immediately broke down in a fit of giggles, in which she was quickly joined by Harley, and finally Peter.

\---

Tony knocked on the door about an hour later. Harley opened it cautiously, while Peter and Shuri sat on the edge of the bed, doing their absolute best to look innocent.

“Come on,” Tony said, “They aren’t going to send you away.”

Harley and Shuri left the room, and Peter followed after them. For whatever reason, his father deigned it necessary to ruffle his hair as he walked past.

“Don’t worry so much, kiddo.”

“Thanks Dad.”

When they reach the dining room, pizza actually had been ordered, and there was a seat at the table saved for each of them. Conversation was light, and the food was wolfed down. There was an undeniable, albeit slight, tension in the air, and Peter was beginning to think that that was just an unavoidable feature of dinner with the Avengers.

“I gotta know, how did you come up with the idea?” Scott asked, some time into the meal.

“Uh, it was something Cassie said, actually,” Peter mumbled.

“Ahaha! Guess that makes me the winner Dadvenger’s best children of the month,” Clint cheered.

Everyone shook their heads.

\---

They made another post that night. No matter how much trouble they might get into, they would never stop.

_@incorrectavengerssquotes_   
_Spider-Man: I wonder when they’re going to figure out we’re the ones who made the incorrect quotes account?_   
_Intern: I mean, they have to eventually, right? They can’t be that stupid._   
_Shuri: Have you heard what they say on a regular basis? I think the only reason they’d figured it out is because we are making this post._

_*Please note, this conversation was edited for clarity._

Needless to say, the internet goes wild.

_@avengersfan_   
_wait, wait, wait! Some of the Avengers run this account? Interns know Avengers? Is this real? Any of it? I dunno. Am I real?_

_@captainamericass_   
_W H A T_

_@toekneestark_   
_Is- is this real?_

_@avengers4life_   
_sPIDER-MAN!?!??!?!?!?!?_

_@spidermantheman_   
_LMAO_

_@blackwidooow_   
_Yes, lol._

_@falconstan_   
_Lemme just go on a quick rant here, I-_   
_This is the absolute, 100%, best thing that has happened to me, in, like, ever. Wow wow wow. I stan. I love. Would die for. This is so great._

_@THOOOOR_   
_This is it officer, this is the post that killed me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well we made it folks!
> 
> First of all, a big thanks to everyone who has read this and shown their support. An extra big thanks to TheBurntestToast, who gave me the idea for the final post mentioned.
> 
> I’ve been struggling a lot while writing this, and I know that showed in my updating schedule. I am going into assessment period, so I don’t know when the next fic will be up, but it is coming! It’s called Planet Stark, and I’m really excited about it.
> 
> Thanks again to all the readers <3

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I’m finally back. I’ve finally posted again. I’m so sorry, I said I’d take a few weeks break, and here I am two months later. I feel terrible.  
> Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this, and the actual plot with the account starts next chapter so look out for that. But I had this chapter written and really wanted to include it somewhere, so now this fic has a sidenote of Peter babysitting.


End file.
